Saturday, June 03, 2006

Best! President! Ever!!!

Dear GW,

Thank you so very much for expressing your support for a federal frickin' amendment to the constitution banning gay marriage. We were so worried that you were going soft on us; thanks for having the cojones to beat up on folks who don't have the numbers to fight you back.

You know how it is, bubba; in Texas, it warn't illegal ENOUGH to have a law against it. We had to write it into our constitution, too, so that our children and our children's children will have to move mountains in order to overrwrite our bigotry. We know how it's done, see.

I'm so grateful that you have the vision to see what is truly wrong in this world right now. Iraq, Afghanistan, New Orleans, employment rates, your party's finest and Jack Abramoff - all that nonsense is progressing splendidly. (Come to think of it, what's Haditha, Abu Ghraib, Valerie Plame, imaginary yellowcake, tax cuts to oil companies while the icecaps melt, the 2000 elections, and Satan's Troika of Iraq/Cheney/Halliburton got on a blowjob from an intern, anyway?)

So, thanks, big guy, for turning your Cyclops-like focus on what truly matters to the people of this fine country. I'm so very delighted that you're helping me concentrate on who other people bang.


P.S. I'm not saying I know anyone like this...but, let's just say this FRIEND of mine has a HUSBAND who...well, enjoyed "Fried Green Tomatoes," and drinks Belgian beer out of a "special glass." I'm thinking that marriage may well be declared invalid, don't you? And, if that were to be true, it wouldn't be cheating if the wife contacted someone ELSE, say, John Cusack or Jeff Goldblum, in order to form a holy biblical bond of angelic marital unity, would it?


Bookhart said...

God he's a putz. Worst president EVER.

Lee said...

(In Cornholio voice) Are you threatening me?

Hmm... who's this on my speed-dial? Scarlett Johansson? ;-)

(and by the way, shouldn't somebody point out to her that if she's going to stay true to her Nordic roots, her name really ought to be Scarlett Johansdottir?)