Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Another bad day at work

(But, this time, I'll spare you all the damn song.)

I'll preface this by stating that I usually LOVE my job. I've been at it five and a half years now, and it is interesting, and challenging, and rewarding in many ways. I have a wonderful boss, though I don't work on site with her. I have many friends amongst my co-workers, and I generally feel accepted and valued. I have my bad and sucky days, like the one from a couple weeks ago, but most days are not high on the suckage factor.

This year, I volunteered to add a third worksite to my two existing ones, where I have been established comfortably for about four years. This third site - we'll call it Site X - had a reputation as a challenging spot, but I felt fine about establishing myself there, and I had the complete confidence of my boss. Admittedly, the beginning of the year there was a bit rocky, as they had been used to doing things in a very different (i.e. WRONG) way in the past, and I knew that I had come off a bit strong at first in my insistence that we overhaul the existing system. However, that was several months ago, the boss at that site has been very complimentary to me and pleased with my work there, and there has been smooth sailing since then.

Or, so I thought.

So, my boss - my real boss - has appraisal conferences for us every year. We choose who we want to review us, and they are given a form with several factors on which they are to rate me on a scale of 1 to 5. They then send it in to my boss, who then goes over them all with us, and we have a nice hug. Without bragging too much, I can state that I have almost never gotten less than a "5" on any form by any person that has reviewed me in the past five years, even my FIRST year, when I was a completely clueless snivelling worm.

Anyway, so, this morning, I go in for my yearly appraisal and hugfest. Four people out of the six that I recommend review me have sent in their forms (the other two being one of my best friends and the boss at Site X, who is on my side). No matter; we go through the first three reviews. Review 1, 2, and 3 - Mags is fantastic, or at least pretty darn good, in most instances, with most people.

Then, Review 4 - from a co-worker at Site X. Mags is...argumentative during meetings? Mags forgot a meeting? (That's true; I did, the day I lost my planner. I apologized profusely and made amends immediately. That makes one meeting forgotten in FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.) Mags needs to communicate better with staff? Mags is...MOSTLY 3's???

Total shock. I had no fucking clue about any of this. I tell you, internets, it felt like a truck had hit me, to have this smacked in my face at MY APPRAISAL CONFERENCE WITH MY BOSS. (She, to her immense credit, told me that she did not believe it for one second, and was taking it out of my file, and so forth. And she hugged me repeatedly. Because I STARTED CRYING! AT MY APPRAISAL CONFERENCE WITH MY BOSS! Because I'm THAT professional!)

Urgh. Now, what do I do? Go to Site X Boss to tell her? Go to this other person who thinks I suck? And try not to cry AGAIN?

Sitting here in my house, after a few glasses of perspective, I'm feeling a bit better. Perhaps crying over some criticism was a bit of an overreaction. It was not exactly a truck that hit me; more like a bicycle. (But, hey! Ouch! Stupid fucking bicycle!)


Anita said...

Hang in there! I know what you are feeling as I got repeatedly run over by a mack truck at my last job. It was by no means pleasant, but it gave me perspective and forced me to look deep inside and remind myself that I was giving it my all, most of the time. And for the areas I wasn't, I did soul searching to determine why and what I could do about it. You know how that ended, as I made a big career shift. However, for all the kicking I take now on a fairly regular basis, I can confidently say that I am giving it my all and know I am doing a good job. More than anything, I've changed how I react to things that I cannot control, and am a stronger person for it. I do allow myself the occasional purge of ranting and crying and gratefully suck up the hugs and kind words of those who love and believe in me.

You can always count on me being among the devoted friends in your camp!

Badger said...

Can we just have this person killed?

(Ha! I see your overreaction and raise you a homicidal impulse!)

I sympathize with the crying thing. I cry when I get really, really mad. And then the crying itself makes me mad, which makes me cry more. So yeah. Always fun in a workplace environment.

Karla said...

I would have cried, too. But you have a very nice uber boss, so that sounds like a good mix. Sounds like the other beyotch has sour grapes.

And dude, it totally hurts to get run over by a bike cuz it happened to me once, including the tire tracks on my calf.....ow indeed.