In Which My Hiatus is Placed On Hiatus

Hey! Hi! I'm back!

From Kansas City! Which we drove to! Which takes 12 hours in a car if you DON'T have youngish children with unpredictable toileting needs! Because then it takes 14 hours! And if your tiny little wagon-car is full of Christmas presents to the point of absurdity, it turns out it's really really cramped and uncomfortable!

And, those factors, plus a late start due to caution regarding some snow on the streets, plus a brief stop at the in-laws to pick up MORE Christmas presents and a recalcitrant Shih-Tzu, equals an arrival in Austin at 11:00 P.M, for a grand sum travel time of 15 hours!

Which makes Mags tired! So tired.

And fat. Who the hell opened my mouth and forced all that pie down it for a week? Oh, yes, it was my mother. (And those of you who think I'm joking have not met my mother.)

Anyway, it's very good to be back in the land of reasonable temperatures. Seriously, man; the day we arrived in KC, it got to SIX BELOW. Jeebus, that is NOT O.K..

Here's some snaps fer ya...

1) The YG gets a much-desired Easy Bake Oven from the in-laws in Salado (on the way up to KC):


2) The YG at Grandma's house in Kansas City, serenading us with the Karaoke Santa mike with one of her very own Rock And Roll Songs:

I can't remember if that one was "Parents, You Should Rock Your Kids...At Night" or if it was "Mama, Please Don't Go Away From Me."

3-7) My children were very, very, VERY attached to one another over this trip.




It was somewhat alarming. All I've done for the past three years is separate them, because they clearly could not stand each other. Now, I'm completely confused. What, you suddenly love each other? Kids are FREAKS.

8) BABY ALIVE!!!


It pees AND poops, people. And I'm sad to say, I SO did not want to get this messy-ass thing for her. However, I did remember HOW MUCH I wanted a Baby Alive when I was little, and how delighted I was when I got one for Christmas. So, relenting happened.

It is SO MUCH mess. Bleah! However, she is absolutely delighted. So, I guess it's all good.

9-10) Snow pictures.

The OG is the only one in these, you will notice. I did ask both girls if they wanted to go play in the snow. Both of them said "Yeah!" very enthusiastically. However, when I told the YG (known in our parts as "Laze-oid,") that she would have to actually put on PANTS to do this, she said, "Oh, never mind." So that is NOT MY FAULT.

11) Eating snowflakes (when the YG could actually be arsed to clothe herself for the day, albeit in a tiger skin catsuit that she wore not only all day THIS day, but nearly two days longer thereafter):


12) Back in the sunshine at the border, whoop:
and finally, 13) Humiliating the Shih-Tzu with the elf costume upon our return:

You know what? No pity for her. She's a Shih-Tzu. They DESERVE to be humiliated. (And you know you agree with that statement.)

From Me To Ya('ll)

Happy Christmukkuh!



(It's worth playing all the way through, if you haven't seen it. Thanks to Philly E for the tip!)

Ah, crap. I am just going to have to admit defeat and call my holiday blogging hiatus a bit early this year. There is just Too. Much. To. Do.

I'll get in here when I can, and when the family bears escaping. But I just have NOTHING to put forth right now, and little time to do it, if I did.

It's probably Lack-Of-iPhone Depression. (Is that in the DSM-IV)

Dare I buy these Christmas cards?

I saw this hanging on Shirl's fridge, when we were at his Lights in the Heights party in Houston last night:


I want them SO BADLY.

The party? Most excellent. Except for the part where I fell through a hole in the porch up to my knee, therein causing my entire right shin to resemble nothing so much as an eggplant. (Was alcohol and/or my inherent clumsiness involved? You bet! However, in fairness, there was also a HOLE IN THE PORCH. )

I'll write about all that tomorrow, if'n I get my six dozen Pignoli cookies made in time.

Tuesday night updates

The weather sucks in Austin tonight, which means I get to play my favorite Austin news-watching game, namely "Turn On All the Broadcasts and Listen to Them Say How Much the Weather Sucks Tonight."

It is a delightful game, I tell you. "On tonight's news...it SUCKS out there! It is SO very sucky! It is cold! And it is raining! And...I JUST FELT SOME SLEET! So let me go stand out on an overpass somewhere in a parka, just to show you how SHITTY this weather is!"

Speaking of shitty, I just came back from seeing "Twilight" with Cristen and some of her work friends. Ah, well, that is perhaps overstating it a bit. I had a lovely time, and was thoroughly entertained, and had awesome company. And, I really re-thought my opinion, as soon as I figured out, about halfway through the movie, that it is actually a COMEDY, and that it was apparently OK that we were laughing hysterically all the way through it. No, I'm serious, it is super-camp. Why I didn't figure that out five minutes into the movie, when there is a straight-from-David-Lynch "logging truck driving past the diner shot," is beyond me.

The books, though, like I said...eh. I've only read the first one. I bought the second, but it's been on my shelf for a while. I've started The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and I am totally immersed in it. Good read. Brisk, funny, educational, and has mad snaps to the sci-fi geek within me.

Work has been reasonably stressful lately. Usually is this time of year, no different than usual. Actually, it might even be somewhat less than in prior Decembers; I've gotten a lot of my work done, and have only a few looong meetings left to attend before my days off around Christmas. Three. No, four. No, shit, five. But, hey, it's been worse.

Holiday planning is afoot. Family time is planned, presents are mostly purchased. Not big pickings this year. No flatscreen for me; I'm sitting on my flatscreen TV right now, which is to say I'm sitting on my new couch, which must take the place of said theoretical TV for the time being. Oh, and I'll soon be receiving my new washer and dryer, bought on sale yesterday, to replace the only five-years-old washer and dryer set from SuckAss Sears that no longer, quote, "washes," or "dries" my clothing. So, there, too, goes more disposable income. What's next, mechanical gods, my car?*

Es todo. Y tu? Como estas?

*jinx protection...noooooo, damn fates! Don't! Do! It!

The OG's Christmas list

Spelling and punctuation hers.

It starts out with a preface...we in the Mags household are nothing, if not anxious:

Dear Mama,
I have some expensive things on this list. so if you come over one. Just. Cross. it. out. Like this (X).

OG (first and last name)

The next page contained the meat of the piece, which was diligently ranked (although not ordered; we must have a time in the punishment closet for that one) for me:

OG:
11th Mario Super Sluggers (Wii)
12th Magnetix
4th Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)
3rd Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games (Wii)
14th Mario Party 8 (Wii)
13th Boom Blox (Wii)
1st! Sonic Unleashed (Wii)
2nd! Clone Wars (Wii)
23rd Littlest Pet Shop (Wii)
15th Lego Star Wars (Wii)
5th Wall-E (Wii)
16th Lego Batman (DS)
6th Pokemon Battle Revolution (Wii)
17th Super Mario (DS)
7th Guitar Hero (Wii)
18th Drawn to Life (DS)
20th Sorry Sliders (??? Is it not electronic? Quell outrage!)
8th Kung Fu Panda (DS)
22nd Uno Attack!
10th Legos, Legos, LEGOS!
9th Mario Land (Wii)

and the second page contained the OG's helpful reporting for the YG, as of yet unable to compose a comprehensive list on her own:

YG:
Black Pants
Tini Puppini (again, no electronic suffix? Then what on earth could this thing be?)
easybake oven
Barbie as the Island Princess (Wii)
pink ornaments
a christmas star (jewellry)
a gold vase (Big!)
candy (Big!)
stocking
ketchup (tomato)
Dr. Pepper

As you can see, Christmas will be a joyous affair at our house, with the OG opening her $4000 worth of mind-melting gaming technology, while her younger sister revels in her treasured heist of black pants and ketchup.

O Holy Night, indeed.

My Newest (Deeply Misplaced) Celebrity Crush

Yes, I heart Neil Patrick Harris.

Harold and Kumar, plus How I Met Your Mother, plus Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog, equals some Mags-n-Neil bliss. (And did you see him shirtless on HIMYM last week? Cripes! He's totally cut, too!)

And, I don't care that he's gay, and that he's like 12. Or that he was Doogie. He's totally my man.

Am I weird? Does he totally do it for anybody else?

How to Amuse Yourself at Your Next Workshop/Convention/Meet-n-Greet

Snaps to Connie, who made me laugh on an otherwise seriously stressful workday. Inconceivable!

Halls...Decked!

Well, I got our tree up, anyway.

I know, it's sad, my children have to live with a four-foot-tall tree. But, damn it, though she has improved IMMENSELY, I just cannot trust this damn dog with the peeing just yet, ever since the Couch Incident (which turned out well, but still).

Maybe you'll get a big tree to play under next year, chilluns. For this year, y'all can just hang out on the bare hardwood floor, like usual.

Actually, I really want a big shiny silver aluminum tree; the kind with the rotating color light shining up on it. But, I've been pricing those things on Craigslist, and they go for $300 in good condition now. Plus shipping!

I suppose I need to wrap my mind around buying one in like June, so as hopefully to get a more reasonable price, but I am just not that person. I am very in the moment, like I always have been, and have a hard time thinking that way. Like I know people who have their Christmas shopping done already, whereas I only very reluctantly started yesterday. (No, wait, I did buy two cheap Wii games at Target a while back, and stashed them away. Somewhere. See, I am not good at this.)

So, if anyone sees a reasonably-priced aluminum tree for sale somewhere, let me know. I am feeling the serious need for a slow, colored strobelight in my living room.

My Big Belleh

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

My food baby is poufing out over the top of my jeans, which clearly indicates that I in no way can clean house right now. I might pull a muscle, or something. Or give myself a giant pie hernia. So, instead, I'm hanging out on my new couch, with all my new cats, and watching football instead.

It was a nice, cazh day around here. We drove out to West Austin this morning to The Man's aunt's house, where we had a nice, largish family gathering and a delicious brined THIRTY EFFING POUND turkey. I am inspired to try it; I've brined chickens, and turkey breasts, before, but not a whole turkey myself. Of course, there's the fact that my family probably could not really EAT a whole turkey without getting desperately sick of it...but, nonetheless, this time of year, I am always inspired to try. (Perhaps this, too, will pass. TM's aunt gave us tons of leftovers.)

After that, I took TM down to the football game (Texas vs. Texas A&M, a historic rivalry, for those not in the know of such things. It's really just a symbolic rivalry this year, as A&M is just not the powerhouse that it has been in prior years. The score is currently 42-9. I'm sorry, Dave. Missouri fans feel your pain.) while the girls and I went over to Mick and Adam's annual Thanksgiving fried-turkey, bocce, cranberry margaritas, and poker party.

I managed to choke down another partial plate of food (mmm...fried turkey!) somehow, and had a couple margaritas. I ended up coming on back home, instead of playing poker into the evening, as the children were plainly just NOT in a place to sit and watch a video in peace. I wasn't too harsh on them, as they were pretty fried from staying up too late the night before, when we were over t' the Noxiouses' house.

So, honestly, not much to report. Just full-n-tired-n-watchin' football. You?

(Oh, and do you know of this Rick Rolling?)

The OG won the grand prize in the science fair!

OK, so it was just the grand prize in her class, but hell's bells, let's throw 'em in the air for the OG!


Thanks to her grandma, who is a microbiologist, we all came up with an easy experiment; testing various hand-washing methods via pressing her hand into a petri dish, and then counting the bacterial colonies after the dishes spent the night in Grandma's lab incubator at work. So, it was not only easy, it had the all-important "gross-out" factor, so very necessary to impress the average contingent of eight-year-olds.

I am so excited for her, and she is THRILLED. I got a little nervous that she wasn't doing enough, so we made double-dog sure she did all the writing and research herself, and that she helped take the pictures of the petri dishes, that sort of thing. However, I apparently needn't have worried, as her teacher clearly believed that she did do the work. (And I KNOW that her teacher quizzed her on the procedure and the findings. She is a big believer in personal responsibility, which has been a GODSEND to the OG and her scattered, disorganized way.)

Oh, and the answer? Purell doesn't do SHIT. Neither does Ivory soap. Dial is the only way to go.

And on your hands right this second? Horrific colonies of vile death.

I Got Yer Christmas Present RIGHT HERE

Really, that's one-stop shopping, no?

It's my birthday...

...so you know what that means, don't you?

Yes, of course. It's time for your annual Gerard Manley Hopkins.

It's my birthday, so suck it up.

Ahem. (Cue visual:)


(Cue sonorous voice:)

Margaret, are you grieving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leaves, like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! as the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By and by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie.
And yet you will weep and know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sorrow's springs are the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
It is the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

----"Spring and Fall to a Young Child;" Gerard Manley Hopkins

I love this poem. Nobody says "It's fall, it happens, you're getting older too, and you'll die someday, ya big effin' baby" like GMH.

Sigh.

YG and the new couch

The YG's hair recovered from the self-imposed mullet. Now she has an adorable, if slightly shaggy, pixie-bowl cut.
]Oh, god, it was just enough to make you want to BARF taking her in for her haircut at the beauty shop around the corner. The ladies in the shop were all "Awwww! She's so CUUUTE!! She looks so great even WITH her new hair cut!"

And I'm all NO, she is an evil awful little child, who CUTS HER OWN HAIR when she KNOWS she is not supposed to, whose soul is as black as her hair is red!

But does she hear that? No! She just hears that she's so goddamn cute she can do whatever she wants!

Bah! (And yes, that is a Cleopatra headdress that the OG has on in the background.)

Oh, and I got my new couch! (But not my new orange armchair. In a few weeks, they say.) And, I got a new coffee table and end table, too. Here they are, with far too many animals:


We decided against the cool-lookin' orange couch; as Milena aptly pointed out, it was not so comfy for sitting for...um, humans. This one is not so adventurous, but is reasonably nice, and did not cost tons of money.

Now, when to update the 11-year-old TV, 16-year-old stereo, grunge-era media setup in my corner. Aaah...now let me dream about that, for as long as I've dreamed of a new couch, most likely.

Oh, and cats are stupid.



This one? Is a little freak. And has taken on the former-waif-turned-smug-bastard persona, just like her bubba Curbie.

Iris, for what it is worth, seems to have genuine gratitude to be here. This cat seriously will stand up on her hind legs to hug me. It's violently cute.

And yes, The Man's iron will regarding accepting the cats has stood up just as well as you thought it would. He totally loves them. (HA. I win.)

On a final note, it's my last night of being 38. Wanna go clubbing? I think tonight is the last night that I can, legally.

You HAVE to come and see the BABY!

Hello! Sorry no postage lately.

I got super crazy busy after the election - and by "busy" I of course mean "drunk" - and then on Thursday I took off for Fayetteville, Arkansas for a long weekend with Trish, Mike, their six-year-old OB, and their brand new, two-month-old YB...AND, for a huge added bonus, Erin, who also flew her preggers self down from Philly.

Oh, what a good time that was. I got an UNBELIEVABLY cheap flight there - turns out Fayetteville benefits hugely from being nearby the national hub of both Wal-Mart and Tyson, and the fact that apparently assloads of Texans who need to fly there on a regular basis. Hence, my round-trip ticket cost far less the gas would have cost to drive there...hell, it was less than our trip to Wurstfest, forty minutes south of here, last weekend.

This is the tiny bug himself, giving one of those early smiles that I miss so much from my own children:

Totally worth the price of admission, I say.

Northwest Arkansas is really, really beautiful, and Fayetteville, college town, home of the University of Arkansas, is a nice, tolerant blue beacon in a landlocked sea of Republican red. Trish took us on a winding road up the Ozarks to Eureka Springs, a lovely older town, founded on the industry of the healing hot springs a century ago, and now a quaint-n-touristy shopping destination.

Here's Trish and Erin after our scrumptious and healthy lunch of Eureka Springs french fries AND nachos AND onion rings:


Well worth your journey, if you are in the area, for the awesome cliffs alone.

Saturday, we went to this artists' colony outside Fayetteville called Terra, wherein they make millions upon millions of glass bluebirds:

and have little traipsy paths through the woods for the kidlings and the new-agey among us:
That was a great little day trip. (Hell, yeah, I got a bluebird. Because they're cool, and hand-blown, and that is what one does.)

Oh, man, though? COLD. In the twenties at night cold. I had on a sweater, a sweatshirt, and a coat there on Saturday afternoon. It felt kinda good, though; 80 degrees in November (which is what awaited me upon arriving in Austin yesterday) just does not feel right, somehow.

So, now, I'm back, recovering (although it was not super wild, me partying with a new mom and a five-month-old pregnant lady) and working. I'm sort of bemused at Obama's election; I find it difficult to reconcile my loser Democrat self with actually WINNING for a change. It's strange; like breaking in a new pair of shoes.

However pleased I am with the results from the national election, it's of course bittersweet on the local level. We lost two hard-fought campaigns for the U.S. House and Senate, and this state still remains reliably red, thumbing its nose in the face of an entire NATION shifting the other direction. Baby steps, I suppose.

But, do you know where can kiss my butt? Missouri. Yeah, you heard that right. My home state can just go hop off into the Mississippi River for all I care. Bellwether state my ass. I had always hoped that the I-70 influence of Kansas City - Columbia - St. Louis would spread to thhe rest of the state, but I'm afraid that the opposite is occurring, and that the whole damn place is becoming Bransonized.

Eh, screw 'em if they want to stick their head in the sand. Let the nation pass them by and let them be pushed further to the margins. I'll welcome them back if they open their eyes, but in the meantime, I'm going to push hard for the north half of the state to break away and become South Iowa.

I am at a loss, really for what to do with myself now. It was good to get away this past weekend and have conversations with real people, instead of obsessing over the election.

I hope to re-introduce myself into socializing soon, and even - dare I say it? PARENTING.

Oh, and speaking of that, do you wanna see what happened over at the Noxious's house yesterday, when the YG decided that she should take it upon herself to cut her own hair?

Here's before (on Halloween):


And afterwards (I had to take her picture when she was sleeping, because she abjectly refused when she was awake):


She cut BANGS into her own hair.

And, to tell you the truth, if she had just stopped a few inches short of cutting the left-hand side of her hair off, she wouldn't have done too bad a job!

If I am to look on the bright side, it's that perhaps there's a career in it. It's good to know she'll have an option besides stripping.

Crying in my living room

Hey, y'all...you know, Michelle?

She's my first lady.

And those are some damn cute kids set to set up some bunk beds in the West Wing.

Sigh. OK, I will chill now.

What?

So, John McCain picks his CONCESSION speech as the time to be gracious and warm? And to finally sound like the man he used to be eight years ago?

Because...that wouldn't have served him better, like, two months ago? Except he went all crazy negative with the Bill Ayers and anti-American and shit?

Whoever picked his campaign staff should be given a freagin' MEDAL.

Oh HELL Yes

Everyone say it with me now...

OBAMAGASM! OBAMAGASM!

You had it here first.

AGGGGGGHHHH

Oh my GOD, I am SO NERVOUS about tonight, Y'ALL!!!!

I cannot get ANY work done. Seriously. It's like 10:30 AM - I've been at work for TWO AND A HALF HOURS - and cannot point to ANYTHING that I've accomplished.

(Except, um, a blog post. Is that something?)

I'll check back in later. Maybe I'll live-blog the election results. Unless I am attempting to HANG MYSELF.

Even better than the LAST one...

It's the latest campaign commercial from the Honeymooning Couple!


Best forty seconds I spent all day.