Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I'm only 86% white?

I'm hipper than I thought!

Yes, the substantive blogging hiatus continues, with yet another silly quiz. I apologize. YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS, Todd.

I do have a good reason, though, even besides the typical summer swim-lesson and snow-cone stand schedule. To scrape up some badly needed additional cash, I've broken my solemn vow and taken on some - sob - summer work. First time in THIRTEEN YEARS.

It's not bad, actually. The money's good, and, though it takes time away from my newest obsession (the Wii Fit - I've re-lost four pounds! Woo!) it's not completely horrible to engage my brain for a couple hours here and there over the usually-torpid summer months.

The children's brains, however, are suffering. I'm being indulgent on the Wii since we just got it, but it's becoming fairly obvious that the school year will require stricter controls. I feel it will probably give a good incentive for homework completion this year, though, which may be important as the OG will be starting the third grade in the fall...the grade in which, I'm told, that the more serious homework starts.

Speaking of homework, though, I'd better get cracking. Gots to pay for the upcoming Port Aransas trip somehow.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Highly Amusing Video for yer Monday

For the sad, smug marrieds amongst us:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

(Thanks to Ms. Noxious, a frequent partner in our pathetic searches for diversion, for the tip.)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Why I just cannot bring myself to post lately

Because...guess what Wii got?

Or, rather, "wii" didn't get it. My 76-year-old mother (77 tomorrow) bought it for us with her economic stimulus check.

Because that is how she SHOULD have spent it, riiight? Screw all that "seeing the world while she still can" shit. My family needs an effing video game RIGHT NOW.

No, no, I'm very grateful. I would never, ever, EVER have gotten around to buying one for my children, because of all that stupid grocery-buying and electric bill crap. And they are thrilled beyond reason.

I was a little surprised at how hard they still are to get. After several weeks of half-heartedly looking for one at various big box behemoths, I finally forced myself out of bed at 7:30 on Sunday to get to Target when it opened, and there was still a line to get in. A guy was handing out coupons for the Wii itself, the Wii Fit, and something called Mario Kart. (Figuring I wasn't going to get around to visiting Target before it, EVER again, I went ahead and also got the Wii Fit. So, that little bogus marketing strategy totally works, by the way.)

So, that's what we've been, ALL the time. Me on the Wii Fit - SO cool, by the way, if just a little mean in the assigning of the "fat Mii" if you tip the scales on the heavy side - the YG on her "Disney Princess" magic wand game, and the OG on Lego Indiana Jones. The Man hasn't quite gotten sucked in yet, but I saw him spend a good half an hour trying to master the ski jump on the Wii Fit this afternoon.

Sigh. Say goodbye to our personalities. We've assimilated.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


She loved Girl Scout Camp.

Paranoia McOverprotective, c'est moi.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Oh, help me, y'all.

This afternoon, we dropped the OG off for her first overnight - without parents - Girl Scout Camp.

And - I was SO excited for her right up until we got there. I know the other three girls that are going; stellar young ladies, all. Two of them are bestest friends, but I felt OK about the OG going, and not feeling like a fifth wheel, as there was indeed an even number.

However, when we got there, four had been expanded to five, with the addition of one of the girls' cousins. So, there we were, in the cabin of many, many Brownies, with the only girls that the OG knew being two best friends, two cousins...and the OG was suddenly buddy-less.

I could have cried when she reached for one of the girl's hands and the girl withdrew it to cling to her best friend. And, I could have cried more when the OG turned to me, stricken, but with no time to say anything, as they were immediately whisked away to dinner.

As they were walking away, a tearful little girl, also sans partner, introduced herself to the OG. I'm clinging to the hope that this bodes well for my child, and that she won't spend the weekend obsessing over friends whom she perceives are slighting her.

I HATE little girl friendship stuff. I hated it THEN, and I hate it NOW.

Are little boys like this?

Saturday, July 19, 2008


Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog made me very happy.

Anyone else catch it?

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Nigh on Cavity-Inducing

My sister sent me the pictures from the YG's trip to "Libby Lu" at the mall up in Kansas City.

I know, I know, I KNOW.

But still, they didn't tart her up too badly, did they? I actually thought she looked pretty dang adorable.

Here's the preliminaries, overseen by the mildly horrified OG:

Tadum! (My sister got her the dress, too.)

Then, afterwards, she broke into an impromptu mall dance for several minutes.

Dig them pink Crocs, yo.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Suddenly This Summer

I think there may be a tween in the front bedroom.

And, it hurts my heart a little bit, I tell you.

Up until about two months ago, the OG was very much still into "kid" things, personal taste-wise. Still listened to the Chipmunks and No! and Schoolhouse Rock to fall asleep, general TV preference Spongebob and the Fairly Oddparents, still playing with her action figures for long periods of time in her bedroom; that sort of thing.

But, sort of right towards the end of the school year, the OG comes home one day and announces that a new show on Nickelodeon called iCarly is her absolutely favorite show. We're all, herm? because, to our knowledge, she'd never watched it. Sure enough, though, she began to prove it, as she began turning the TV on whenever that show was on. (And, for those of you without kids, believe me, when Nickelodeon wants your child to turn them on, you will have NO shortage of opportunities to see that particular show. So we're talking like four times a day.)

Happily for us, it's a fairly funny show. Innocuous, but ever so slightly edgy, and - in a TV and filmdom first - it is populated by child stars that I do not wish to kick in the head. I'm actually kind of happy that the OG is firmly a Nick girl, as opposed to a Disney girl, as the hugest Disney Girl on the planet lives in the next bedroom over.

However, I was positively bemused when she started obsessing on the show to the degree that she memorized all the words to the theme song, and would dance around the room singing it when the show came on. And reciting the dialogue, verbatim.

By the way, quick poll interjection: Is it OK to say "suckish" on a children's TV show?

So, because I was so tickled by her, I bought her the iCarly soundtrack for her, as her first "big girl" music purchase. (Again, could be worse. Upbeat pop music, with some OK guest artist. Not too sure about that Avril Lavigne song "Girlfriend," though. I kind of wish she hadn't heard that one.)

God, I'm old.

ANYWAY, she began playing it over and over and OVER AND OVER and falling asleep to it every night and singing in her room with the door shut. Not reading Harry Potter, not rearranging her Millenium Falcon, but singing into a plastic microphone, embarassedly stopping and/or shutting her door when I catch her doing it.

All I can think is, well, damn, that didn't take long.

I totally dig everything about the older child that she is becoming, and how the earth becomes an easier place for her every single day. But, oh, she just gets taller and taller, and her physical self seems to have...shifted, somehow, into something that she was not before.

I'm probably overreacting. There's no sign of romantic interest yet, although she told me seriously a few weeks ago that she "might have a crush on William," but that she wasn't sure. When I asked her later, she stated flatly that it was absolutely not a crush. And, she could still wear the same t-shirt and shorts every day, morning and night, with not concern one about taking a bath or combing her hair. So, the girl is still very much there.

But, I think she's looking at her watch.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


Your result for The 4-Variable Buffy Personality Test...

Dawn Summers

"Dawn is a person driven by her love for her friends and her desire to make a difference. Perhaps you are, too. You're willing to do whatever is necessary to do what is right for those you care about, and sometimes this can get you in a little bit of trouble."

"Most of all, however, you have a heart of gold."

No WAY. Surely, I could have done better than DAWN. So, I'm a snivelling little brat that likes to get herself in trouble so that other, braver people can save her?

(Don't answer that.)

Hey, for all you Joss Whedon fans, head to this website next week:

There's going to be a three-part web series next week only, starring Neil Patrick Harris, whom I'm slowly coming to realize that I really, really like.

(It's not much, but we Whedon-heads grasp at whatever little straws we are given.)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Recent shots from my crappy camera

Sadly, my decent digital camera has recently gone on the fritz, so, for the trip, I was forced to rely on our very old (and cheap, even 3-4 years ago) digital camera that I had given to the OG.

This camera sucks SO bad that I had a really hard time finding pictures of me in which I did not look either:

b) hideous
c) about five miles wide
d) some combination of the above (always including "c")*
So, here's what's left. Enjoy.

This first one is of Multnomah Falls, outside of Portland. Carla and her girls took us all out there for a sightseeing trip. Lovely waterfall, gorgeous drive out there. We walked up to that first bridge you see towards the bottom, but didn't do the hike up to the top, as my post-surgery foot is still not up to tons of walking yet. I'd really like to next time, though.
This next one is of Erin, Ben, and Dean at the Full Sail Brewery on the river, where we stopped for a lovely lunch and several lovely beers.

The YG on the Fourth of July, in her "puffy suit" - coast guard -approved lifesaving device, y'all, don't mock - and with my mother, behind the mojito mix that my sister's friend brought over (and that nearly slayed me for the fireworks display):

Anita Big Head style - thanks Karla - tramp, tramp, tramping around the columns at the University of Missouri, overlooking Jesse Hall:

Us at the Les Bourgeois winery in Rocheport, MO, on a bluff overlooking the Missouri River:(Why is it, exactly, that none of my old friends look old, hideous, or fat in THEIR pictures? Stupid camera.)

The YG with Snoopy at Worlds of Fun:

She turned on that significant YG charm to those costumed folk. They were grabbing her hand, pulling her up on stage, and hugging her at every given opportunity.

The OG on the Flying Dutchman:

Now, what SUCKS is this:

(Karla May, stop reading this RIGHT NOW. You will no longer respect me for what I am about to write.)

I agreed to let my sister take the YG to "Libby Lu" - that store at the mall that tarts your little darlings up with makeup and hairdos. It was NOT my idea, but I consented.

And the end result? She actually looked pretty darling. I will post them when my sister sends them.

If you will not hate me forever.

*Yes, yes, I'm back on the starvation plan, and just got back to the gym today for the first time since the surgery. No cheeseburgers, or fried potato products, or beer. Everything sucks again. Happy?

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Hey! Hi!

Hey? All you burglars out there? I was on VACATION for 10 DAYS.

But, YOU didn't KNOW I was gone, because I didn't TELL you. So, HA, HA, HA, stupid damn burglars.

(However, for all you KILLERS out there, we are indeed back at home.)

Criminently, I can't believe it's been two weeks since I last posted. I'm so sorry to leave you with that last draggy post bitching about the OG. Surely I could have left you with something more cheery than that.

The Man abandoned us to go to the Track and Field World Championships in Eugene, Oregon, for 10 days, which was effectively his fortieth birthday present. So the girls and I decided it would be as good a time as any to squeeze in our annual Kansas City trip to visit my family, which we did.

As an added treat, I got to ditch the kiddos with my mother for two days so that I could fly to meet up with The Man in Portland for two days. Therein, I also got to see our friends Erin and Ben, who were visiting from Philly, and our friend Todd, who flew up from Cleveland to surprise The Man for his birthday. Last, but never, ever least, I also had the pleasure of staying with our excellent friends Bill and Carla, who hosted us like we were royalty.

Oh, Portland. It's a place geared for us. Good friends, good food, good beer, awesome scenery, nice, cool summer evenings with low humidity. I heart it there. I suspect, however, that the fact that I've only ever been there in June and July may have something to do with it. If I visited in, say, November, I might have a different opinion. I should probably do that if we ever get to seriously considering a move there.

The rest of the time was spent in the mode of the typical family summer visit to K.C.; swimming in the lake, paddling around in our little paddle boat, visiting our local amusement park, and visitin' with the family. This is my first summer visit without my dad being there. He wasn't out a lot in his later years, but it was still weird, him not being in his room when we walked past, even just for a wave and a "Hey, Dad."

One addition to the typical visit that my kiddos got to enjoy is the fact that it was the 4th of July, and, as KC is back in the 70's in so many ways, you still get to shoot off REAL fireworks there. The OG dug on that in a major way, needless to say. Plus, they got to see a big ol' display reflected over the lake, which is something I've always disproportionately enjoyed, for some reason.

But, the highlight of my vacation? Of course! Was the "2nd Annual Weatherby Lake World Record Noodle Float."

See, the OG is just a tiny bit obsessed with the Guinness Book. When my mother brought it to her attention that there would be an attempt to set a world record on the lake this Fourth of July, I knew that there would be NO getting out of it. NO MATTER HOW I TRIED.

The day of, I thought she would positively burst, so we (the YG also accompanied us, at the last second) dutifully paddleboated across the lake with our noodles to this ginormous rich-people's home across the lake, at which there was a DJ blasting awesome typical Kansas City music. "Margaritaville" and "Sweet Home Alabama" were tolerable, but I started to get pissed when a) it was taking forever and I and the YG were getting cold, and b) they started to play Toby Keith's "The Angry American," which I had never heard in its entirety, and was sad to have ruined this particular vow.

However - for the love of my child - I stuck it out.

If you so choose to share in my pain, you may see it here. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you - the LAMEST YOUTUBE VIDEO EVER:

It's grainy, but the OG is very visible at 1:16, in her blue swim shirt and purple noodle. We are all visible at 2:18 and 3:57; the YG is in her bright pink "puffy suit," and I'm holding her, in a black swimsuit, sunglasses, and a pissed-off expression. Needless to say, I had SEVERAL strong drinks when I returned to my mom's house.

Oh, and, I drove to Columbia, MO - home of my esteemed alma mater - to hook up with one of my bestest friends, who was down in Springfield, MO for her 20th high school reunion. We had a wonderful afternoon, walking around campus, and the old haunts, and the old houses we lived in - or the ones that are still standing, anyway. We even drove out to the winery at Rocheport, which is on a lovely bluff overlooking the Missouri river, for a beautiful view and a nostalgic glass of crappy Missouri wine. Good times!

Anyway, it's good to be back. (The Man is home from his giant track-and-field orgy, too.) We're knackered; the suitcases will have to wait until tomorrow. Or next week, or whenever they don't look as daunting as they do right now.

Hope your summer is proceeding apace. I'll throw some cute photos on here shortly.