Hey! Hi!

Hey? All you burglars out there? I was on VACATION for 10 DAYS.

But, YOU didn't KNOW I was gone, because I didn't TELL you. So, HA, HA, HA, stupid damn burglars.

(However, for all you KILLERS out there, we are indeed back at home.)

Criminently, I can't believe it's been two weeks since I last posted. I'm so sorry to leave you with that last draggy post bitching about the OG. Surely I could have left you with something more cheery than that.

The Man abandoned us to go to the Track and Field World Championships in Eugene, Oregon, for 10 days, which was effectively his fortieth birthday present. So the girls and I decided it would be as good a time as any to squeeze in our annual Kansas City trip to visit my family, which we did.

As an added treat, I got to ditch the kiddos with my mother for two days so that I could fly to meet up with The Man in Portland for two days. Therein, I also got to see our friends Erin and Ben, who were visiting from Philly, and our friend Todd, who flew up from Cleveland to surprise The Man for his birthday. Last, but never, ever least, I also had the pleasure of staying with our excellent friends Bill and Carla, who hosted us like we were royalty.

Oh, Portland. It's a place geared for us. Good friends, good food, good beer, awesome scenery, nice, cool summer evenings with low humidity. I heart it there. I suspect, however, that the fact that I've only ever been there in June and July may have something to do with it. If I visited in, say, November, I might have a different opinion. I should probably do that if we ever get to seriously considering a move there.

The rest of the time was spent in the mode of the typical family summer visit to K.C.; swimming in the lake, paddling around in our little paddle boat, visiting our local amusement park, and visitin' with the family. This is my first summer visit without my dad being there. He wasn't out a lot in his later years, but it was still weird, him not being in his room when we walked past, even just for a wave and a "Hey, Dad."

One addition to the typical visit that my kiddos got to enjoy is the fact that it was the 4th of July, and, as KC is back in the 70's in so many ways, you still get to shoot off REAL fireworks there. The OG dug on that in a major way, needless to say. Plus, they got to see a big ol' display reflected over the lake, which is something I've always disproportionately enjoyed, for some reason.

But, the highlight of my vacation? Of course! Was the "2nd Annual Weatherby Lake World Record Noodle Float."

See, the OG is just a tiny bit obsessed with the Guinness Book. When my mother brought it to her attention that there would be an attempt to set a world record on the lake this Fourth of July, I knew that there would be NO getting out of it. NO MATTER HOW I TRIED.

The day of, I thought she would positively burst, so we (the YG also accompanied us, at the last second) dutifully paddleboated across the lake with our noodles to this ginormous rich-people's home across the lake, at which there was a DJ blasting awesome typical Kansas City music. "Margaritaville" and "Sweet Home Alabama" were tolerable, but I started to get pissed when a) it was taking forever and I and the YG were getting cold, and b) they started to play Toby Keith's "The Angry American," which I had never heard in its entirety, and was sad to have ruined this particular vow.

However - for the love of my child - I stuck it out.

If you so choose to share in my pain, you may see it here. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you - the LAMEST YOUTUBE VIDEO EVER:



It's grainy, but the OG is very visible at 1:16, in her blue swim shirt and purple noodle. We are all visible at 2:18 and 3:57; the YG is in her bright pink "puffy suit," and I'm holding her, in a black swimsuit, sunglasses, and a pissed-off expression. Needless to say, I had SEVERAL strong drinks when I returned to my mom's house.

Oh, and, I drove to Columbia, MO - home of my esteemed alma mater - to hook up with one of my bestest friends, who was down in Springfield, MO for her 20th high school reunion. We had a wonderful afternoon, walking around campus, and the old haunts, and the old houses we lived in - or the ones that are still standing, anyway. We even drove out to the winery at Rocheport, which is on a lovely bluff overlooking the Missouri river, for a beautiful view and a nostalgic glass of crappy Missouri wine. Good times!

Anyway, it's good to be back. (The Man is home from his giant track-and-field orgy, too.) We're knackered; the suitcases will have to wait until tomorrow. Or next week, or whenever they don't look as daunting as they do right now.

Hope your summer is proceeding apace. I'll throw some cute photos on here shortly.