My Girl

So, here's the thing:

I have a crush.

ON MY DAUGHTER.

The OG, that is. My god, she is just...she is just so cool! And smart! And funny!

And - get this - she's not taking ANY medication anymore; no Adderall, no Zoloft, NO NOTHING - except vitamins, minerals, and fish oil capsules with Omega 3!

The Man and I went to her parent/teacher conference today, and it was SO positive. Her teacher said to me, "(The OG) is a great kid. She's smart, and she's happy, and she's interested, and I really, really like her." (No, I know, teachers always have to say that. It was her tone. She meant it.)

When I apologetically told her why OG isn't on the meds anymore - which has mostly to do with the side effects on the OG from the Zoloft and Adderall from last year; when she was having the bad dreams, and when she withdrew into her darkened room with her blinds drawn for hours at a time, when she stopped letting me hug and kiss her, and when she repeatedly cut her fingertips off with the scissors? Her teacher was HORRIFIED, and absolutely could not believe that I was talking about the same child. "OG? No WAY! That's not her AT ALL!"

I'm not sure what's happened to her this year. She's - all of a sudden - gotten so grown up. She's blowing off temper tantrums, she's laughing and joking with me all of the time, she's sitting through whole dinners at restaurants without getting up six hundred times and/or having a massive meltdown, and she's doing homework without too much stress. She lets me hug her. (Although not in front of her second grade classroom. Gaw! Mom!)

She even has a best friend that I really like. I spied on her on the playground the other day when I dropped her off - I'm not proud - and she was playing, so delightedly, with that friend, and not pacing around the fence by herself, looking awkward, because the one person she had fixated on that day was refusing to play with her!

So, this crush thing. It's weird. I swear, I think about her all the time, and how much I'm just in love with this person she's become. I can't wait to pick her up from school, and - I wouldn't lie to you - over the past few years, that has NOT always been the case. Likewise, taking her with me on errands is not the dreaded chore that it used to be - because, though I cannot believe it, it is more likely than not that we will have a good time, instead of a horrible fight.

Oh, she's not perfect. She still antagonizes her sister, she's still REALLY distractible, and I still have to remind (nag) her to complete even the most basic morning routine tasks (that she REALLY should know to do, even at age seven) before we are late, damn it. But, the crux of the matter is that she is tending to stop negative behaviors before I get all pissed off and punish-y. Most of the time, these days, a warning will suffice. And that, my friends, is AWESOME.

I don't know what spurred all this on. Simple maturity? The lack of psychotropic drugs? (Surely it's not just the fish oil and vitamins.) Is it us? Are we better parents these days? Did we finally get her, and she us?

Whatever. I'm totally in love, and don't care.

**Oh, and YG? If I die, and you read this many years from now? I love you too, and very dearly, at that. Oh, and by the way, that tube top makes you look like a hussy.

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Molly's home. Not in the metaphorical sense, like "She's gone home, brothahs and sistahs," I mean she's back at my home. And still alive, though I would not say that there is a lot of joy there.

She is eating and drinking, and can stand up and walk around a bit. However, they weren't particularly optimistic at the vet's, but did say that I could probably have a few more weeks with her.

Before you say anything, I promise that I won't torture her. She's on some meds, and I might have to give her some subcutaneous fluids, but I won't force anything else on her. And, if I am to be brutally honest, we can't afford it. If it would make her live for two more years happily, then yes, we'd do it. But I'm not going to throw down horrific amounts of money for - well - this, which just is not going to last that long, and is pretty unsatisfactory at that.

I just wish she could talk, you know? Say, yes, I'm still wanting to live, or no, I'm done with all of this shit. Her body language, in the past, has always implied the former - even pissed off and evil as all hell, she wanted to live.

Now, though, I'm not so sure. She looks pretty distant.

Sigh.