Bad Ass Day

No, no, not a badass day; I mean a BAD ASS day. Like a bad hair day.

Today my ass was particularly big, which was unfortunate, as I was wanting to buy a new dress at Target. (They're cute right now, seriously! Really fun and flowy!) I first tried on this retro Isacc Mizrahi pink dot dress:

...which made me look like a couch. A large, overstuffed, pink couch that you might find at your grandmother's house, if your grandmother lived in a trailer in Appalachia. (Actually, it's not even all that flattering on the skinny model that they paid to put this on, so maybe I don't feel that bad.)

Next, I tried on this little kicky satin sundress:
I'm usually good in dresses of this shape, but this was not it for me. First of all, horizontal stripes, duh. The skirt was so much poufier than the waist that it made my hips look freakishly exaggerated, which was I'm guessing NOT what they intended. Plus, the top was clearly intended to be worn with no bra whatsoever - not even a strapless - and - well, how can I put this delicately? There was nowhere for my girls to go.

Finally, I tried this one on, which I did not expect to like, much less buy:
I did, in fact, buy it, as it was by far the least couch-reminiscent of the three upon my body. But, I felt strange purchasing it. It is very unlike me to buy anything with a) stripes, b) diagonal stripes at that, and c) some of them are coral, for Christ's sake.

When I got it home, I tried it on for The Man. (Note: This is usually how I get away with buying new clothes. I try on the sexiest thing I've purchased and parade it in front of him. When he emits a guttural growl, I feel certain that he won't ask how much it cost.)

This time, though, I got a strange reaction. This was our conversation:

Me: "Do you like it?"

TM: (reflexively) "Yeah! It looks good!" (No guttural growl. He stops, and tilts his head sideways.)

Me: "You're tilting your head. Does it not look good?"

TM: "No, it looks good...it just doesn't look like anything you'd wear. It's very...bright." (continues to tilt head and look at me strangely)

Me: "So...it doesn't look good."

TM: "No, I mean it, it looks good on you...it's just very...retro? It's kind of a seventies print."

Me: "Um...so, is that good or bad? I was going to wear it to (TM's cousin's) wedding, and to work."

TM: "No, it doesn't look like a work dress. It's a party dress. I just mean, you should wear it for very specific events."

Me: "Such as?"

TM: "Uh...seventies events, I guess!"


So...anyone wanna have a key party?