Sunday, August 06, 2006

Hi. I'm Mags.

Maybe you know me. I'm the person that tells you how to best raise your child. You know, YOUR child? The one that you know? Anyway, I'm what passes for an expert in the realm of public education. (Yeah, I know! They TOTALLY don't know that I'm faking it. Don't tell them.)

OK, so, I'm the expert, right? And that means I am probably the best parent, EVER, of course? 'Cos certainly I venture an opinion about JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING that you say and do to your child. That's my job.

I dream about beating my child.

Not just spanking her; BEATING her until she cries. And, in my dreams, when she cries, I hit her harder. Or pull her hair out. And I'm SO HAPPY in my dreams that she is crying.

I have never, ever, laid a finger on this child. She thinks a spanking is that thing I do to her as she happily runs by me naked after a bath. We are words, and consequences, and good/bad choices, and all the progressive-parent lingo you know. We are NOT physically violent people in any way, come to think of it. (Fuck, I don't even spank my cats, which is probably why they occasionally pee on my bathmat.)

So, why, on earth, would I be dreaming of beating the shit out of her?

My friend Aimee, the psychologist, tells me that it's good that I'm having these dreams, because I'm not acting them out in real life. But...I've never hit anyone, ever (probably barring my older sister...I don't remember specifics, but there was occasional sisterliness there), so why, now? Is it possible that Older Girl is really close to putting me in that place, when nothing else in 36 years has done it? And she's NOT THAT BAD! Hyper, yes, but a great kid overall. I really like her.

I don't know, y'all. I joke about my dark place, but maybe there really is one. Freaky.

In other, unrelated news, I also dream about placing a pickaxe through my computer. But that dream makes me really happy.

Two more days until work starts again...feh. I realize that I generate no sympathy from most people, but it is REALLY HARD to go back to work after two months off. Stop hating; it IS!


Lee said...

It's okay, honey -- I occasionally have that dream while I'm wide awake. Just keep repeating to yourself "I'm a pacifist. I'm a pacifist." Of course, circumstances may require you to alternate it with "Get your hands off your sister. Get your hands off your sister."

Karla said...

I have a dark side, too.

i had this terrible dream that I went to my high school reunion (20th this fall, aaaiiieee!) and I was still my usual size, but everyone else was still the size they were in high school so I got picked on for being fat.

See? Dark side.

Want me to go after your kids? I've already gotten one with a super soaker once. That was great....I could just do another super soaker pleasure!