Scenes From My Children

Scenario one: Easter Sunday

OG (gesturing furtively towards The Man): "Daddy, I need to ask you a question."

TM: "What is it, honey?"

OG: "Is fuck a dirty word?"

TM: "Well, honey, it is a bad word and -"

OG (interrupting, panicked): "OH, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't know! I'm sorry!"

TM: "I'm not mad at you, honey. Relax."

OG: "Oh, um, OK. Um...what does it mean?

TM: "Well, it's - "

OG: "NO, no, don't tell me, I don't want to know!"

TM: "Um, then -"

OG: "No, wait, tell me."

TM: "Well, it's another word for having sex with someone."

OG: "Oh. OK. Thanks." (Runs away.)
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Scenario two: This evening

YG (standing in the hallway, after being reprimanded slightly for spilling a bunch of water that I specifically told her not to spill, and redirected instead to brush her teeth):

"This is a BAD DAY. I didn't even have anyone nice at school today. And now you're not nice to me. This is a STUPID day. I HATE this day. I want this day to be OVER. This is the WORST day of my life. Why is this day SO BAD?"

Me: "Some days are like that. Um...would you like to finish your Gatorade before you brush your teeth?"

YG (brightly): "OK!"
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Scenario three: Composing Thank-You Notes:

YG (at my prompting to dictate her response):

"Dear Anna. Thank you for the lovely Barbie doll. You are so loving. You made the party a big fairy. That means you are a blast of a friend. Thank you for your lovingness and your good friendness. And I will go to your party and I will bring magic fairy dust to bring out all the love in the land. And the kindness. So, thank you very much. And have a a nice day."

OG (sitting next to us on the couch, slapping her hands over her ears): "AAAAAHH! PLEASE SAVE ME!"